


thinking

by orphan_account



Category: Lunch Club, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Carson Cooper and Noah are good friends, I'm Bad At Tagging, Travis Is Very Good At Cooking, Travis Needs A Hug, Travis gets lost in thought, hes also a little jealous but thats okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:21:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24041260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Travis tries to not think about it. He really does. He busies himself around the house with cleaning, cooking, or even just going out and enjoying the sun. For some reason, though, he always comes back to question himself."In which Travis starts thinking about things.
Relationships: No Relationships, pls just stop w the shipping okay
Comments: 8
Kudos: 75





	thinking

**Author's Note:**

> hey! so uh this is my first ever fic for the lunch club, like, fandom thing. so if there are any errors, let me know!
> 
> Travis might be a little ooc in this but honestly its just him thinking so yk
> 
> enjoy!

Travis gets frustrated sometimes. He gets frustrated that his laptop is a little slow, frustrated that the store was out of his favorite type of cookies, frustrated at the little inconveniences that most normal people get frustrated at as well. But he also gets frustrated with himself. He reads the comments under his friends’ videos and the podcast uploads questioning why he’s always so quiet. He hears his friends chatting sometimes, wondering why he rarely ever speaks in a group setting. They always answer their own questions, though, wondering if it’s just him thinking up a good joke or response. Maybe he enjoys the company in his own way.

His anxiety is terrible. That’s what the rational part of his brain tells him, that it’s completely normal to freeze up in those situations and not know what to say. Except, the rest of his body is telling him that it’s not normal. It’s not normal to freeze up like that with friends, people you’ve known for  _ years _ . Besides, this whole streaming thing is becoming a sort of job for him now, he should know how to be confident. So what is it? What’s  _ wrong? _

Travis tries to not think about it. He really does. He busies himself around the house with cleaning, cooking, or even just going out and enjoying the sun. For some reason, though, he always comes back to question himself. 

He does a good job of not bringing it up, though. Carson may be a little more experienced in the field of anxiety than he, Noah, and Cooper would be, and they  _ are _ some of his closest friends, but there’s still something about this whole situation that makes him so hesitant to share his thoughts with them and ask for advice. Maybe it’s because he’s embarrassed, or even jealous of his friends. Cooper is so confident in himself. He always has the right response ready and can always take a joke. Noah may be a little more stoic, but he still has his own way with words, albeit a way that's a little bit more sophisticated for Travis’ liking and understanding. Carson is, well, Carson. He’s always been the head man, the leader of their friend group. He’s never been afraid to address his own flaws, either. Travis is just…

It leads him to another thought. Travis doesn’t know what role he plays sometimes. Is that something a normal person would know? Would his friends have an answer? Maybe. He should ask.

Travis lets out a small, bitter chuckle. But  _ how _ , though? How can he ask what his role in their friendship is when he even gets nervous while asking Schlatt how his day was on a livestream? 

He wonders if it’s just that easy for the others. He was taught to never judge a book by its cover, of course, but his friends make it seem that there’s completely nothing wrong in their lives. They all act like functioning and successful adults. He knows they all struggle with something, but they still have the ability to produce that confident aura. Their positivity makes him a little bitter. He’s so jealous of the careful facade they all put up. It seems to fit them so easily, yet Travis just feels like he’s lying to himself.

Travis doesn’t want to lie. He wants to accept and embrace his flaws like his friends do, but he wonders what people will think? Will they even care?

He at least wants to tell  _ someone _ . Therapy, to him, seems like hell. It’s not like he doesn’t want help. He’s just too afraid to admit it. Maybe that’s the first step to getting out of his head. He wonders if he should take it.

Travis is so deep in thought that he doesn’t hear or see Carson come out to their backyard until he taps him on the shoulder. He jumps and almost falls off of the wall he was relaxing on, facing away from the house.

“ _ Ah!  _ God, Carson, give people a warning when you sneak up on them next time. You scared the crap outta me, dude!”

Carson laughs. “I gave you, like, three warnings. Noah and Coop can vouch.” He points back to the house, where sure enough, Cooper and Noah stand inside, waving and laughing at them.

Travis swings his legs over the wall back towards the house to face Carson. “So, what’d you come out here for, did y’all decide on dinner? Do you need some of my fantabulous cooking?”

The blond chuckles and leans against the wall Travis is sitting on. “Fantabulous?”

“It’s a word, I promise.”

“Okay, sure. Anyway, that’s not why I came out here. I just came to check up on you. We’re all worried.”

“Worried? About what? Did something happen?” Travis sits up a little more.

“No, nothing happened. We’re worried about  _ you _ ,” Carson says, looking up at Travis. “You’ve been seriously weird today. You went outside two hours ago and haven’t once come back in for snacks or anything. You’re laying on a wall, not saying a word to anyone, and you didn’t even notice me walk up to you just now.”

Flashes of surprise, fear, and guilt cross Travis’ face, but they quickly disappear. “Oh, huh. I was thinking about, well, some stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” Carson prompts.

Travis considers this for a moment. This could be his first step, his opening to get out of his head and back into the real world.

Travis shakes his head and smiles. “Nothin’ much, honestly. Just got lost in my thoughts.”

Carson narrows his eyes. “You sure?”

“ _ Yes _ , Carson, I’m  _ fine _ .”

The taller male sighs. “Fine. But actually, we do need you and your, quote, ‘fantabulous’ cooking back in the house because we did decide on dinner, so off the wall you go.”

“Awesome,” Travis hops down from the wall and chuckles. “What’s tonight’s decision?”

“Grilled cheese.”

“Good choice.”

“Yep.”

As Carson and Travis walk back towards the house, chatting about the day’s events, Travis’s mind begins to wander again.

Maybe he’s still too much of a coward to take that step.

**Author's Note:**

> well uh like i said, this is my first fic in the community so dont be too mean lol. this is the longest fic ive ever written so please let me know if there's any mistakes/errors!
> 
> comments and kudos are appreciated,, hope you enjoyed!


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